Whoever said that high school is the hardest part of life was full of it. Clearly, the hardest part of life is the twenties.
Every day feels like a struggle.
A struggle to fight the emotions that threaten to overtake me at every moment. A struggle to overcome doubt, uncertainty, insecurity, anxiety, sadness. A struggle to act rationally, like a grown-up, instead of like the freaked-out kid I feel like on the inside.
I feel like I'm learning how to walk.
Each step I take could be successful, a triumph. Or I could fall flat on my face. I don't know which one it will be until I try. And sometimes the pain and disappointment of falling is more than I can bear. Sometimes I don't want to get back up.
I feel out of control.
And that scares me to no end. After years of being "control girl", I'm struggling to gain some semblance of control over a life that feels like it's on a runaway train. This isn't what I envisioned for myself. I didn't expect all of this confusion, and I don't know how to fix it.
I'm taking baby steps.
I'm trying my hardest to get some control, but it won't happen all at once. I'm taking baby steps. I'm looking for my own place, trying to find some hobbies, and trying to feel independent. I'm trying to find myself, I guess. I don't know if it will ever happen. There is so much I don't know.
How do/did you feel about your twenties?
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